gigilku tak tertahan...
kesandung dalam gejolak emosi tak bertepian
nyasar dalam lara jiwa nan terbakar
parah tertusuk kalbu yang paling dalam
gigil... menggigil terus tak tertahankan
rentan jiwa yang belum pernah terasakan
dinding kamar bisu jadi saksi kujur tubuh kaku..
lebih kaku dari batu
hati mendingin, darah membeku
akankah terhenti jantungku?
pun gugurlah deras air dari sang mata
lebih deras lagi detak jantung dalam dada
takutnya menghadap sang Pencipta Hukum :-(
takutnya tak kuat melafaz ampun!
bingar burung-burung bernyanyi
riang dan ramai
mampu juga menggamit walau tawar
senyum di bibir melawan ketar
ibu-ibu burung dengan air di tangan
siap meredam panas hati yang tercalar
pun ia bangun dan siap melangkah walau gontai
menghadap itu yang namanya kenyataan
matinya satu mimpi
matilah satu pelangi
akankah muncul mimpi itu lagi
bila mati setengah hati?~
- - Tragedi 20 Jun 2009; nukilan f14-220609
School Holiday Program (SHOP) with ASPEN CENTRE
Dusun Eco Resort, Pahang
10th and 11th June 2009
With those excitement and joy I longing for, why on earth should I feel threatened then?
One may say, ‘These days, Fiya always claim that she has no time for other thing but work.” Another may say “She’s ‘broke’. Where can she find money to spend on?” Or, another more interesting fact may say “Fiya takut ditanyain uwa nya kenapa belum kawin!!” huahuahua …You know what? All those reasons are actually very true. I am very different since the first time I left kampung. I am no more a little girl who would cry for hours, reluctant to leave her elder brother at kampung. I remember the time when I look at his watery eyes over the fence at Sangkapura harbor; he waved hopelessly at me while I make my way towards the kapal. Mom had to calm us down (me and my younger sis) when we couldn’t stop crying along the journey to Gresik. For that reason too, she took one more ferry ride with us to visit Madura Island after that while waiting for our flight schedule back to KL.
But, that was a long time ago. My brother doing fine now and live happily with his wife and two children at Kampung. As for me, I am no more a young pampered teenager who misses her big bro’s company. I am now a big sister of a younger sis and a younger bro. I even act like a mother for them too; sometimes :-). Most importantly now, I am a working lady with fully occupied schedule 24 x 7. Fuiyyoo…! My friend said, “kalah Rafidah Aziz (dulu la waktu Rafidah Aziz masih jadi Ketua Wanita)”. Sounds overreacting huh? Hahahaa...
As for the past journey, I would only think about the joy of meeting relatives, eating those original fresh foods, tasting the salty sea water in my mouth when I enjoyed swimming every afternoon at SESEKAN behind KAK Mimi’s house, not to forget collecting CACABBIAN, one type of tiny snail, and naik jukong (a small boat) with my cousin, Anhari. Then, I had totally forgotten about TV and other games when I enjoyed the mud while helping the villagers planting at paddy field. That was awesome, EXCEPT for the red worm that crawled over my leg after I came out from the mud, its gross!
In English, they say, where there’s a will there’s a way. But, in Bahasa melayu, kalau NAK seribu daya, kalau TAK NAK seribu dalih.
Hmm... Anyhow, I had started planning for it now. The best date for me to ‘pulang kampung’ had been identified (but not yet to be exposed). Hopefully, everything turns out well, not just for the journey, but more importantly for the responsibility-hook I may release for quite a while ~ Amin.