Some jokes Ver 1

Buffet Lunch

We are having buffet at a hotel one Saturday afternoon in Shah Alam. Half way through the meal I get a churning in my tummy and I proceed to the washroom.
The first stall is taken, so i get into the second one. I've just taken off my pants to sit down when i hear a voice from other toilet, "Hi! How are you doing?"
I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in hotel washrooms. Nevertheless, I reply, "Not bad!"
Then the voice says, "How's the family?" I am starting to find it a bit weird, but out of courtesy I say, "They are well."
Then i hear the person, all flustered say, "Look, I'll call you back. Every time I ask you a question, this idiot in the next toilet keeps answering me!"

Doctor's Advice
Patient: Doc, I have some problem. I feel sick and depressed.
Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.
Patient: I don't touch a drop.
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking.
Patient: I don't smoke.
Doctor: You should not touch drugs.
Patient: I never touch drugs.
Doctor: You should cut down on womanising.
Patient: Haven't touch a woman in my life.
Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, get some aspirins, and find yourself some girlfriends.

Sunway Lagoon
Three country bumpkins were in a car on their way to Sunway Lagoon. They saw a sign which says: SUNWAY LAGOON LEFT so they all went home.

On an Airplane to New York
Uncle Chong was seated next to an American on a trip to New York. The American turned to Uncle Chong and asked him, "What kind of 'ease' are you?"
Uncle was a bit confused and replied, "Sorry, i don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of 'ease' are you?"
Again, Uncle was confused over the question. The American, now, irritated and yelled, "What kind of 'ease' are you? Are you Chinese, Japanese or Vietnamese?"
Uncle then replied, "Oh, I am a Malaysian"
A little while later, Uncle Chong turned to the American and asked what kind of 'kee' he was.
The American frustrated yelled, "What do you mean what kind of 'kee' I am?"
Uncle Chong said, "Are you a yankee, donkey or monkey?"

(source: Laughter, the Best Malaysian by David Tong)